Genius at Work, Chapter 9/15
Jul. 1st, 2010 09:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madlorificGenius at Work
A "Criminal Minds" fanfiction by MadLori
Chapter 9
The funeral of Robert Prentiss was held at the Cathedral of Mary our Queen, the seat of the Archbishop of Baltimore. Reid and Emily drove there in his car over Elizabeth’s protests that they ought to ride with the family. “We will be, mother, just not in the same car,” Emily said. Reid felt a little out of place in his ancient Volvo among all the Lexuses and Mercedeses and BMWs.
The family gathering last night hadn’t been what he’d expected. A few cousins, some family friends, he’d thought. Oh, no. Nearly a hundred people had been there, crowding the house. Emily seemed to know everyone, and he’d shaken more hands than he cared to recall. By the end of the night, his nerves were worn raw by the sheer number of new people, but he was determined to keep it together for Emily’s sake.
Now, Emily was silent and stiff. She’d barely spoken through breakfast, nor as they’d gotten ready in her old bedroom, nor in the car on the drive here. He kept glancing at her as he followed the line of family cars to the cathedral. “Are you okay?” he finally asked.
She nodded, tightly. He reached over and plucked her hand from where it rested on her leg. She gripped it back with panicky tightness, even though her face remained carefully composed.
There were crowds of people milling about outdoors despite the frigid temperatures. Reid put his arm around Emily and they hurried into the narthex. He was feeling particularly protective and caveman-like this morning, probably because he knew she was feeling vulnerable. Her arrival was noted, but no one approached. Her body language was sending a very clear leave me alone message. Reid scanned the crowd, looking for Elizabeth or anyone else he knew, but spied a familiar face instead…make that faces. “Em,” he murmured, nudging her and nodding.
Their team was standing in a group near the doors, all of them, including Garcia. “Oh,” Emily said. “They didn’t have to come. I didn’t know they were back already.”
“Hotch told me they were coming back this morning, but he didn’t say they were going to come here.” They walked over to the team and Emily let herself be hugged by JJ and Garcia. “This is a surprise,” Reid said.
“We wanted to pay our respects,” Hotch said.
“Thank you,” Emily said, hanging on to Reid’s hand. “It’s nice to see some friendly faces.” Everyone fell into an awkward silence. Reid saw eyes flicking to their joined hands and away again, quickly. No one seemed to know what to say.
“Okay, there’s an elephant in the room,” he finally said. “I know everything happened really suddenly and nobody got the chance to react to – this. To us.”
“We’ve had a couple of days to get used to the idea,” Rossi said, smirking.
“We were going to tell you,” Emily said. “We just kept putting it off. We’re sorry it came out like that.”
“That’s not important,” Hotch said. “You should focus on your father and your family right now.”
Emily nodded. “I will.”
People were taking their seats. “We’d better go in,” Reid said.
“We’ll see you afterwards,” Hotch said.
They left the team with a few more hugs and handshakes and walked to the front of the church. “Should I sit a few rows back?” Reid murmured. “I mean, do I belong up there with the immediate family?”
“Yes,” Emily said, emphatically. “You belong next to me.”
Reid was back to work on Friday. Emily had taken the rest of the week and would return on Monday. He’d offered to stay home with her, but she’d refused. “I just need to decompress,” she said. “A little time to myself. But will you come over after work? I’d love to spend the weekend with you.”
Work was a blessed relief. The funeral had been wrenching, and then he and Emily had gone to the graveside service at Arlington National Cemetery with the immediate family. Then home to her house, where they’d spent a quiet evening just talking. About her father, about her childhood, about his own parents. Serious talk, deep and personal, involving the telling of things that neither of them had ever shared before. There had been some tears, but there had also been laughter, and while he held her in his arms, the thought occurred to Reid for the first time: I could spend the rest of my life with this woman.
In blatant violation of their rules, he had spent the night at her place. It had been cozy and domestic to make coffee in her kitchen, shower in her bathroom and get ready for work. She’d stayed in bed, snuggled into a cocoon of covers, and when he’d gone in to say good-bye she’d sent him off with a drowsy kiss and a sleepy “Have a good day. I love you.” It wasn’t a bad way to start the morning, all things considered.
At work, everyone was being aggressively normal. Even Garcia didn’t so much as give him a wink or a knowing glance. Morgan, who he’d fully expected to give him the third degree immediately upon arrival, was sticking to his own work and only talking to him about cases. Reid breathed a sigh of relief, not having been looking forward to running the BAU gauntlet of questions and comments about his relationship with Emily.
Lunchtime rolled around, and Morgan appeared at his desk. “Okay, Reid. C’mon. Lunchtime.”
“Uh…I think I’ll just stay here. Not really hungry.”
“Oh, no. No, you don’t. I’ve been good all day but you and I are going to go get a burger or something.”
“Why do I get the feeling it’s not just the burger that’s going to get grilled?” Reid grumbled.
“Come on, pretty boy. Not taking no.”
Reid sighed and got up. He’d been ready for this, and honestly, he didn’t mind talking to Morgan about Emily. He just didn’t want to be hounded about it in the bullpen, and Morgan hadn’t done that.
They drove into Stafford to a burger joint that Morgan liked, and within a few minutes they were seated in a booth with unhealthy food. “All right,” Reid said. “Let me have it.”
“How did it start, man? I’ve been trying to think of when it could have started, and I can’t think of anything.”
“You remember that custodial interview we did in Minnesota? Roy Niedermeier?”
“Oh yeah! What happened?”
“Well, I don’t really know. We were in her hotel room talking about the profile, comparing notes, and then – suddenly we were kissing.”
Morgan grinned. “You made your move, huh?”
“No, it wasn’t like that. It just sort of happened.”
“And so on?”
“No. Not that night. We just kissed.”
“Aw, damn. So what happened when you got back here?”
Reid smiled. “Well, we did this stealth-flirting thing for a couple of weeks. Right under everyone’s nose. None of you ever noticed.”
Morgan shook his head. “I must be slipping.”
“Eventually I asked her out on a real date. We went out, and it just went from there.” Reid crossed his arms on the table. “Speaking of slipping, were you going to confess anytime soon?”
“Confess to what?”
“That you already knew about us before Tuesday.”
Morgan gave him a wide-eyed look. “What are you talking about?”
“Come on, Morgan. Everyone was so surprised, except you. You were looking anywhere but at us. I’ve played poker with you enough to know your tells, man.”
He sighed. “All right. Yeah, I knew.”
“For how long?”
“I had my suspicions since Christmas. Just how you were acting, individually and toward each other. I got worried, because I thought I knew what was going on. I thought you had some kind of arrangement.”
“Friends with benefits?”
“Something like that. Anyway, I know you and I know you don’t do casual very well, and I wanted to make sure she knew that. If she was just having a little fun with you, I needed her to have been straight with you about that. So – I went and talked to her about it.”
Reid’s jaw dropped. “You confronted her about it?”
“Yeah, she said you’d be mad.”
“When was this?”
“Um…about a month ago.”
Reid narrowed his eyes. “Wait…what night?”
“It was a Tuesday. When I got there she seemed upset. She said you guys had had a fight about telling the team.”
Reid shook his head, amazed. “All right, go on. What happened?”
“I told her what I just told you, and she told me she loved you.”
“She – she did?” Reid felt absurdly choked up. If he was correct about which night this had been, she’d told him so herself later that night, but there was something about hearing that she’d said it to someone else.
Morgan nodded. “I could tell she meant it. Of course then I felt like a giant asshole.”
“Gee, I can’t imagine why.”
“But I was relieved. I was glad. Surprised, but glad. Cause you deserve it, kid. Both of you do.”
Reid sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve her.”
“Anyway, she made me promise not to tell you I’d gotten all up in her face. And the next day you both seemed good.”
“We were. That night, and I’m pretty sure it’s the same night, I stormed off mad after we fought about telling the team. I just drove around for awhile, then went back. She’d been crying. We both apologized, then she told me she loved me. It was the first time. We decided that night that we’d tell you guys. But then it kept getting put off, until her father’s death kind of pushed us into it.”
“And, uh…you told her too, right?”
Reid smiled. “Yes, Morgan, I said it back.” He met his friend’s eyes. “I’m in love with her. I’m really gone, Derek. It’s a little scary.”
Morgan grinned. “I bet it is. But that’s a good thing, man. For once that brain of yours doesn’t get much of a say in things.”
“No, that’s for sure.”
“You thinking serious thoughts?”
“Trying not to.”
“Why?”
“It’s too soon. I don’t want to scare her off.”
“You won’t, as long as she’s thinking those thoughts, too. And I think she is, man.”
Reid sighed. “Maybe. I don’t know. Her father dying has kind of thrown us from pretty-serious into dead-serious faster than we might have gone on our own. It’s not a good time to talk about – well, anything permanent, like moving in together, or…”
“Or? Do I hear wedding bells?”
“It is way too soon to think about that.”
“You have been, though. Thinking about it, I mean.”
He fiddled with his water glass, avoiding Morgan’s all-seeing gaze. “I never really thought there’d be anybody for me. I wondered, I hoped, but I never believed it would happen. Part of me is still waiting for her to come to her senses and go find someone better.”
“Hey,” Morgan said, gently. Reid looked up and saw understanding in his friend’s face. “I don’t think they make men much better, Reid.”
Reid blinked and swallowed hard. “Thanks, Morgan,” he rasped.
“Yeah. And now we can add ‘lucky’ to your list of attributes. Because, damn. Emily is…”
“Watch it,” Reid said, pointing at him. “That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.”
Morgan laughed. “Listen to you, all back-off-my-woman. I love it.”
“Glad as always that I can provide you with some amusement, Morgan. Eat your burger.”
Reid let himself in to Emily’s apartment. Given how the day had gone, him going off to work in the morning and her staying here, he couldn’t resist. “Honey, I’m home!” he called, smirking. Something smelled really good.
Emily appeared in the hallway. “I knew you were going to say that,” she said. She was smiling, but she looked tired and there was sadness around her eyes. He put down his bag and hugged her, drawing back for a kiss.
“How are you?” he asked.
She sighed. “It’s been up and down. I’m glad you’re home.”
Home. Yeah, I’m home. Because home is her. “Something smells yummy.”
“I needed something to do with myself. I tried to work, but I couldn’t concentrate, so I figured, what the hell. I’ll be all domestic and cook dinner for my man.”
“Oh, is that what I am?”
“Well, you are a man, and you are mine. Right?”
He kissed her again, his hand stroking the small of her back. “Yep. Your own personal nerd.”
“That’s a good thing to have.” She went back into the kitchen. He followed and leaned on the counter, staying out of her way. There were pots and pans and things being sautéed.
“What are you making here?”
“I don’t really know. There’s a chicken roasting, and this is all…well, it might be some kind of fried rice thing or it might just end up as a frittata. It’s whatever was in the fridge.” She stirred something. “How was your day?”
“Okay. Nobody teased me or really asked about us. Not in the bullpen, anyway. Morgan dragged me out to lunch so he could interrogate me.”
“Oh, dear.”
Reid crossed his arms. “Were you going to tell me that Morgan knew about us?”
Emily paused, then kept stirring. “I hadn’t decided yet.”
“He came and talked to you that night, didn’t he? That first time you told me you loved me.”
“Yes.”
“So – did you tell me because you wanted to? Or because what Morgan said pushed you into it?”
Emily turned around, her hand on her hips, looking annoyed. “Morgan had nothing to do with it, Spencer. I said what I said because it was true.”
“Is that all?”
She sighed. “Maybe he kind of – made things clearer to me. I knew I was in love with you, but I was afraid of it. It took Morgan assuming that we had some casual thing going on, I guess. Hearing him say that made me angry, it made me really get how serious I was about you. I couldn’t keep holding back with you after that. I had to tell you how I felt. And I don’t appreciate having my motives questioned.”
“Can you blame me? It seemed like you were doing everything you could to keep our relationship a secret, to keep it from getting too serious. Sue me for wanting some reassurance.”
“You know, this ‘what are you doing with me’ routine is getting really old. It’s so self-pitying, not to mention a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“That’s easy to say when you’re you. A beautiful woman who’s had any man she wanted for her entire life.”
Emily scoffed. “Oh boy, if you think that’s true, you really have not been paying attention. And you could have had as many women as you wanted if you’d just put yourself out there. You cower from every opportunity to make a connection with someone, act like they’re doing you a favor if they so much as talk to you, and then whine about how nobody wants to be with you and wonder when I’m going to come to my senses, like I’m so stupid that I don’t get what kind of man you are or whether or not I want to be with you, that I’m blinded by pity or loneliness and I don’t even know my own heart, that I don’t realize that it doesn’t really belong to you, that I don’t actually need you like fucking oxygen, that I’m totally deluded in thinking that you’re the only person I want to be with for as long as I can imagine it and that it’s not even real that I can’t imagine life without you anymore!” She threw her spoon into the sink with a clatter and turned away, her hands on the edge of the counter, breathing hard with her head down. Her voice had steadily risen during that outburst until she was shouting.
Reid felt about two inches tall. She’s grieving her father and here you come, giving her shit about what she did and didn’t say to Morgan and to you; this woman told you she loves you and you’re harping on the damned timing?
He went to her and put his hands on her shoulders. She turned around immediately and sagged against his chest. “Why can’t you believe me?” she said, sounding choked up. “Don’t you trust me?”
He pressed his face into her hair. “I’m sorry. I do believe you. I trust you more than anybody. I love you so much, Emily. It’s just hard for me to accept that you love me back.”
She pulled back and seized his upper arms, giving him a brisk shake. “Well, snap the hell out of it. You’ve given me a million reasons to love you. Don’t start giving me reasons not to. Don’t screw this up, please, I need you to not screw this up. I can’t lose you, I can’t, I just lost my – I need you to get over not believing it. Can you do that? I love you too much to lose you now. I need you in my life. But if you’ll never be able to trust what I tell you then I can’t be with you, and that can’t happen, okay?”
He drew her close again and held her tight. “It won’t happen. I won’t let it happen. I trust you. I believe you. It’s me I don’t quite believe in. I just need to get used to being the Spencer that you see.”
She nodded, then pulled away. “I know. It’s just infuriating to me that people in your life made you think you weren’t that Spencer. I hate every single one of them, up to and including your father.”
Reid didn’t say anything. Emily stroked his cheek, then went back to her cooking. For a few minutes no one spoke. “Is there anything you want to do tonight, or this weekend?” he finally asked.
“I might want to go see my mother tomorrow. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
“I’ll come.”
“Good. Other than that, there’s just one thing I want.”
“Chocolate?”
He saw her smile a little. “No, although I wouldn’t turn it down. I was talking about sex.”
He blinked. “Oh.”
“It’s very confusing. All day I’ve been sad, I’ve cried, I’ve felt nostalgic, I’ve gone through two different manic phases and taken two naps, but through it all I’ve just been really, really horny. You don’t want to know how close I came to calling you and seeing if you could come home at lunchtime. But then I thought, eww. That’s skeezy, calling my boyfriend home in the middle of the day to service me.”
“So you just suffered?”
“Oh, I found an alternate way of dealing with the issue.”
His eyebrows went up. “Tell me more. Be detailed.”
She tossed him a wry smile. “Maybe later I’ll demonstrate. The whole thing is just so weird. It feels unseemly.”
“It’s a very normal reaction to a loss. Your body is reacting to death by reaffirming its own vitality. There’s no better way to do that than through sex. I bet you’ve been hungry all day too, haven’t you?”
“Yes! I’m eating everything in sight!”
“See? Vitality.”
She grew quiet. “I’m doing the things my father can’t do anymore.”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“It just feels so profoundly wrong to be crying and missing my father and feeling like I’ve gone all hollow inside and all the time in the back of my head I just want cock!”
Reid couldn’t help himself. He burst out laughing. Emily glared at him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, it’s just…” He flapped a hand in front of his face. “All right. I’m done. I’m sorry.”
“I guess it is a little bit funny,” she grumbled. The timer on the microwave went off. “Oh. The chicken’s done. Are you hungry?”
“Sure.”
“Grab some plates, let’s eat.”
After dinner, they washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen, and then – well, there was just no other word for it. Emily attacked him. She had not been lying about wanting cock, apparently. They staggered up the stairs, stumbling over each other, leaving articles of clothing in their wake until they tumbled into bed.
She was motivated, that much was certain. Reid barely had the chance to take any initiative; she was moving things along faster than he could keep up. Before he knew it, he was on his back and she was riding him like she was trying to win a prize at the rodeo. When it was over, she barely gave them enough time to catch their breath before she was all over him again. He had no complaints; it was kind of fun to be her sex toy when that’s what she needed. It must have worked; after the second time, she curled on her side and fell almost immediately into a deep sleep.
Reid waited until he was sure she was out, then he carefully got out of bed, put his boxers back on, crept downstairs, fetched his laptop and brought it back to bed. He sat up next to her, logged in and started some work, keeping the lights off so as not to disturb her. It was barely eight o’clock, much earlier than either of them would normally go to bed, but Emily’d had a hell of a week and he knew she hadn’t been sleeping very well.
About half an hour later, Garcia found him on IM.
PenGar: Hi sweetie.
Reid1138: Hey Garcia
PenGar: How’s our girl?
Reid1138: She’s sleeping
PenGar: Poor thing. Probably hasn’t had much sleep this week.
Reid1138: No, not really.
PenGar: Why aren’t you in bed with her?
Reid1138: I am.
PenGar: Oh, I get it. Post-coital, huh?
Reid1138: *eyeroll*
PenGar: C’mon, let me have my fun.
Reid1138: You’ll have it whether I let you or not.
PenGar: Now you’re getting it. Seriously, though. I bet she’s glad to have you there at a time like this.
Reid1138: We had an almost-fight earlier.
PenGar: Yeah? What about?
Reid1138: It’s not important. I said something I shouldn’t have said.
PenGar: You guys looked so sweet at the funeral. When you walked into the cathedral everyone saw it.
Reid1138: Saw what?
PenGar: She was obviously upset and vulnerable, but the way she was turned into you, anybody could see she trusts you. And you all protective with your arm around her. It made my heart go pitter-pat.
Reid1138: I wish there was an *eyeroll* emoticon.
PenGar: Don’t you roll those baby browns at me, mister man. I refuse to let you stop me from swooning over your passionate love affair.
Reid1138: That makes it sound like something that would happen on a transatlantic ocean liner or during the Blitz.
PenGar: rofl. Yeah, it kinda does. But it is passionate, right?
Reid1138: If you’d been in here an hour ago you wouldn’t need to ask.
PenGar: Oh, snap. And it is love, right?
Reid1138: I hope so. I think so.
PenGar: Then I stand by my characterization.
Reid1138: It’s the “affair” part I don’t like. That connotes something transitory, or doomed. Something that won’t last.
PenGar: You sound serious.
Reid1138: Yeah, I think I am.
PenGar: How serious? Bachelor party serious? Ring shopping serious?
Reid1138: Garcia. Gun. You’re jumping it.
PenGar: Sorry. I get overexcited.
Reid1138: You? Surely not.
PenGar: But serious.
Reid1138: Serious, yeah. But a serious dating relationship. Not moving in, not getting engaged. It’s too soon.
PenGar: When the time is right and the people are right, it’s never too soon.
Reid1138: I don’t think even you believe that.
PenGar: Maybe I just want to. I just want to believe that my babies will live happily ever after.
Reid1138: Let’s shoot for making it through the week.
PenGar: That’s a good start.
Reid1138: I’m going to go to sleep now.
PenGar: It’s kinda early.
Reid1138: Well…let’s just say it’s been an active evening.
PenGar: You can’t see but I am squealing and shaking. I just knew that beneath those sweater vests beat the heart of a sex god.
Reid1138: See above, re: eyeroll emoticon.
PenGar: Goodnight, my sexy genius.
Reid1138: Night, Garcia.
Reid signed off and shut down the laptop. It was still early for bed but he felt more than ready for some shut-eye. It hadn’t just been a tough week for Emily. More and more he was finding out that part of being in a relationship was that her pain was his, and the unexpected part was that he didn’t mind. In fact, he wished he could take more of her pain for her, so she would be spared.
He put the laptop on the nightstand and slid down, wrapping the sheets around his shoulders. He shut his eyes, listening to the deep, even sound of Emily’s breathing and feeling her warmth slipping across the sheets to meet his own.
He’d just about dropped off when her breathing hitched and she stirred. He was immediately awake, but didn’t move. She made a distressed little noise and her legs moved restlessly. Bad dreams were not strange to them given their work, and he knew the signs of hers. He waited to see if she’d drop back off to a deeper sleep. She mumbled something unintelligible, sounding upset, then a shaky little sob escaped her. “Daddy,” she murmured, her voice made young by sleeping grief. Reid slid closer, not wanting to wake her but wanting her to feel him nearby. Emily mumbled a few more nonsensical words, sounding like she was pleading, then began to weep in her slumber, heartbroken tears that made Reid’s skin hurt. “Spencer,” she whimpered.
That was the end of his resolve. He reached out and pulled her toward him. She turned over, still mostly asleep, and burrowed into his arms, her fingers clutching at him. “Shhh,” he said, kissing her forehead. “I’m right here, Emily.”
He felt her coming awake into that confusion that came when you weren’t quite sure what was going on or what emotional state you might be in. “Wha…huh?” she spluttered, surprised to find herself crying.
“It’s okay, you were having a dream,” he said, stroking her back.
“Shit,” she said, sniffling. “It isn’t safe anywhere.” She was clinging to his t-shirt now, the fingers of one hand twisted in it.
“I’ll keep you safe. Want me to get my gun?”
That got a little bit of a choked-up giggle out of her. “Yes. Please shoot the bad nightmares.”
“Okay. Just make sure the bad nightmares hold very, very still because I’m not such a great shot.”
She sighed, getting herself under control, and snuggled close to him. “I’m sorry to wake you up.”
“It’s okay.” He hesitated. “You just did something for me.”
“What’d I do? Besides get snot on you.”
He pulled back and looked down into her red-rimmed eyes. “You were dreaming. You cried for your dad. You were upset and scared.” He smoothed her hair back from her face with one finger. “Then you called for me.”
She smiled weakly. “Cause you’re my guy and I love you.” The simplicity and confidence of this declaration touched him all over again. Reid wrapped his arms around her as they shared tender kisses, aware by now that this woman owned him, body and soul, and that he was completely okay with that.
A "Criminal Minds" fanfiction by MadLori
Chapter 9
The funeral of Robert Prentiss was held at the Cathedral of Mary our Queen, the seat of the Archbishop of Baltimore. Reid and Emily drove there in his car over Elizabeth’s protests that they ought to ride with the family. “We will be, mother, just not in the same car,” Emily said. Reid felt a little out of place in his ancient Volvo among all the Lexuses and Mercedeses and BMWs.
The family gathering last night hadn’t been what he’d expected. A few cousins, some family friends, he’d thought. Oh, no. Nearly a hundred people had been there, crowding the house. Emily seemed to know everyone, and he’d shaken more hands than he cared to recall. By the end of the night, his nerves were worn raw by the sheer number of new people, but he was determined to keep it together for Emily’s sake.
Now, Emily was silent and stiff. She’d barely spoken through breakfast, nor as they’d gotten ready in her old bedroom, nor in the car on the drive here. He kept glancing at her as he followed the line of family cars to the cathedral. “Are you okay?” he finally asked.
She nodded, tightly. He reached over and plucked her hand from where it rested on her leg. She gripped it back with panicky tightness, even though her face remained carefully composed.
There were crowds of people milling about outdoors despite the frigid temperatures. Reid put his arm around Emily and they hurried into the narthex. He was feeling particularly protective and caveman-like this morning, probably because he knew she was feeling vulnerable. Her arrival was noted, but no one approached. Her body language was sending a very clear leave me alone message. Reid scanned the crowd, looking for Elizabeth or anyone else he knew, but spied a familiar face instead…make that faces. “Em,” he murmured, nudging her and nodding.
Their team was standing in a group near the doors, all of them, including Garcia. “Oh,” Emily said. “They didn’t have to come. I didn’t know they were back already.”
“Hotch told me they were coming back this morning, but he didn’t say they were going to come here.” They walked over to the team and Emily let herself be hugged by JJ and Garcia. “This is a surprise,” Reid said.
“We wanted to pay our respects,” Hotch said.
“Thank you,” Emily said, hanging on to Reid’s hand. “It’s nice to see some friendly faces.” Everyone fell into an awkward silence. Reid saw eyes flicking to their joined hands and away again, quickly. No one seemed to know what to say.
“Okay, there’s an elephant in the room,” he finally said. “I know everything happened really suddenly and nobody got the chance to react to – this. To us.”
“We’ve had a couple of days to get used to the idea,” Rossi said, smirking.
“We were going to tell you,” Emily said. “We just kept putting it off. We’re sorry it came out like that.”
“That’s not important,” Hotch said. “You should focus on your father and your family right now.”
Emily nodded. “I will.”
People were taking their seats. “We’d better go in,” Reid said.
“We’ll see you afterwards,” Hotch said.
They left the team with a few more hugs and handshakes and walked to the front of the church. “Should I sit a few rows back?” Reid murmured. “I mean, do I belong up there with the immediate family?”
“Yes,” Emily said, emphatically. “You belong next to me.”
Reid was back to work on Friday. Emily had taken the rest of the week and would return on Monday. He’d offered to stay home with her, but she’d refused. “I just need to decompress,” she said. “A little time to myself. But will you come over after work? I’d love to spend the weekend with you.”
Work was a blessed relief. The funeral had been wrenching, and then he and Emily had gone to the graveside service at Arlington National Cemetery with the immediate family. Then home to her house, where they’d spent a quiet evening just talking. About her father, about her childhood, about his own parents. Serious talk, deep and personal, involving the telling of things that neither of them had ever shared before. There had been some tears, but there had also been laughter, and while he held her in his arms, the thought occurred to Reid for the first time: I could spend the rest of my life with this woman.
In blatant violation of their rules, he had spent the night at her place. It had been cozy and domestic to make coffee in her kitchen, shower in her bathroom and get ready for work. She’d stayed in bed, snuggled into a cocoon of covers, and when he’d gone in to say good-bye she’d sent him off with a drowsy kiss and a sleepy “Have a good day. I love you.” It wasn’t a bad way to start the morning, all things considered.
At work, everyone was being aggressively normal. Even Garcia didn’t so much as give him a wink or a knowing glance. Morgan, who he’d fully expected to give him the third degree immediately upon arrival, was sticking to his own work and only talking to him about cases. Reid breathed a sigh of relief, not having been looking forward to running the BAU gauntlet of questions and comments about his relationship with Emily.
Lunchtime rolled around, and Morgan appeared at his desk. “Okay, Reid. C’mon. Lunchtime.”
“Uh…I think I’ll just stay here. Not really hungry.”
“Oh, no. No, you don’t. I’ve been good all day but you and I are going to go get a burger or something.”
“Why do I get the feeling it’s not just the burger that’s going to get grilled?” Reid grumbled.
“Come on, pretty boy. Not taking no.”
Reid sighed and got up. He’d been ready for this, and honestly, he didn’t mind talking to Morgan about Emily. He just didn’t want to be hounded about it in the bullpen, and Morgan hadn’t done that.
They drove into Stafford to a burger joint that Morgan liked, and within a few minutes they were seated in a booth with unhealthy food. “All right,” Reid said. “Let me have it.”
“How did it start, man? I’ve been trying to think of when it could have started, and I can’t think of anything.”
“You remember that custodial interview we did in Minnesota? Roy Niedermeier?”
“Oh yeah! What happened?”
“Well, I don’t really know. We were in her hotel room talking about the profile, comparing notes, and then – suddenly we were kissing.”
Morgan grinned. “You made your move, huh?”
“No, it wasn’t like that. It just sort of happened.”
“And so on?”
“No. Not that night. We just kissed.”
“Aw, damn. So what happened when you got back here?”
Reid smiled. “Well, we did this stealth-flirting thing for a couple of weeks. Right under everyone’s nose. None of you ever noticed.”
Morgan shook his head. “I must be slipping.”
“Eventually I asked her out on a real date. We went out, and it just went from there.” Reid crossed his arms on the table. “Speaking of slipping, were you going to confess anytime soon?”
“Confess to what?”
“That you already knew about us before Tuesday.”
Morgan gave him a wide-eyed look. “What are you talking about?”
“Come on, Morgan. Everyone was so surprised, except you. You were looking anywhere but at us. I’ve played poker with you enough to know your tells, man.”
He sighed. “All right. Yeah, I knew.”
“For how long?”
“I had my suspicions since Christmas. Just how you were acting, individually and toward each other. I got worried, because I thought I knew what was going on. I thought you had some kind of arrangement.”
“Friends with benefits?”
“Something like that. Anyway, I know you and I know you don’t do casual very well, and I wanted to make sure she knew that. If she was just having a little fun with you, I needed her to have been straight with you about that. So – I went and talked to her about it.”
Reid’s jaw dropped. “You confronted her about it?”
“Yeah, she said you’d be mad.”
“When was this?”
“Um…about a month ago.”
Reid narrowed his eyes. “Wait…what night?”
“It was a Tuesday. When I got there she seemed upset. She said you guys had had a fight about telling the team.”
Reid shook his head, amazed. “All right, go on. What happened?”
“I told her what I just told you, and she told me she loved you.”
“She – she did?” Reid felt absurdly choked up. If he was correct about which night this had been, she’d told him so herself later that night, but there was something about hearing that she’d said it to someone else.
Morgan nodded. “I could tell she meant it. Of course then I felt like a giant asshole.”
“Gee, I can’t imagine why.”
“But I was relieved. I was glad. Surprised, but glad. Cause you deserve it, kid. Both of you do.”
Reid sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve her.”
“Anyway, she made me promise not to tell you I’d gotten all up in her face. And the next day you both seemed good.”
“We were. That night, and I’m pretty sure it’s the same night, I stormed off mad after we fought about telling the team. I just drove around for awhile, then went back. She’d been crying. We both apologized, then she told me she loved me. It was the first time. We decided that night that we’d tell you guys. But then it kept getting put off, until her father’s death kind of pushed us into it.”
“And, uh…you told her too, right?”
Reid smiled. “Yes, Morgan, I said it back.” He met his friend’s eyes. “I’m in love with her. I’m really gone, Derek. It’s a little scary.”
Morgan grinned. “I bet it is. But that’s a good thing, man. For once that brain of yours doesn’t get much of a say in things.”
“No, that’s for sure.”
“You thinking serious thoughts?”
“Trying not to.”
“Why?”
“It’s too soon. I don’t want to scare her off.”
“You won’t, as long as she’s thinking those thoughts, too. And I think she is, man.”
Reid sighed. “Maybe. I don’t know. Her father dying has kind of thrown us from pretty-serious into dead-serious faster than we might have gone on our own. It’s not a good time to talk about – well, anything permanent, like moving in together, or…”
“Or? Do I hear wedding bells?”
“It is way too soon to think about that.”
“You have been, though. Thinking about it, I mean.”
He fiddled with his water glass, avoiding Morgan’s all-seeing gaze. “I never really thought there’d be anybody for me. I wondered, I hoped, but I never believed it would happen. Part of me is still waiting for her to come to her senses and go find someone better.”
“Hey,” Morgan said, gently. Reid looked up and saw understanding in his friend’s face. “I don’t think they make men much better, Reid.”
Reid blinked and swallowed hard. “Thanks, Morgan,” he rasped.
“Yeah. And now we can add ‘lucky’ to your list of attributes. Because, damn. Emily is…”
“Watch it,” Reid said, pointing at him. “That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.”
Morgan laughed. “Listen to you, all back-off-my-woman. I love it.”
“Glad as always that I can provide you with some amusement, Morgan. Eat your burger.”
Reid let himself in to Emily’s apartment. Given how the day had gone, him going off to work in the morning and her staying here, he couldn’t resist. “Honey, I’m home!” he called, smirking. Something smelled really good.
Emily appeared in the hallway. “I knew you were going to say that,” she said. She was smiling, but she looked tired and there was sadness around her eyes. He put down his bag and hugged her, drawing back for a kiss.
“How are you?” he asked.
She sighed. “It’s been up and down. I’m glad you’re home.”
Home. Yeah, I’m home. Because home is her. “Something smells yummy.”
“I needed something to do with myself. I tried to work, but I couldn’t concentrate, so I figured, what the hell. I’ll be all domestic and cook dinner for my man.”
“Oh, is that what I am?”
“Well, you are a man, and you are mine. Right?”
He kissed her again, his hand stroking the small of her back. “Yep. Your own personal nerd.”
“That’s a good thing to have.” She went back into the kitchen. He followed and leaned on the counter, staying out of her way. There were pots and pans and things being sautéed.
“What are you making here?”
“I don’t really know. There’s a chicken roasting, and this is all…well, it might be some kind of fried rice thing or it might just end up as a frittata. It’s whatever was in the fridge.” She stirred something. “How was your day?”
“Okay. Nobody teased me or really asked about us. Not in the bullpen, anyway. Morgan dragged me out to lunch so he could interrogate me.”
“Oh, dear.”
Reid crossed his arms. “Were you going to tell me that Morgan knew about us?”
Emily paused, then kept stirring. “I hadn’t decided yet.”
“He came and talked to you that night, didn’t he? That first time you told me you loved me.”
“Yes.”
“So – did you tell me because you wanted to? Or because what Morgan said pushed you into it?”
Emily turned around, her hand on her hips, looking annoyed. “Morgan had nothing to do with it, Spencer. I said what I said because it was true.”
“Is that all?”
She sighed. “Maybe he kind of – made things clearer to me. I knew I was in love with you, but I was afraid of it. It took Morgan assuming that we had some casual thing going on, I guess. Hearing him say that made me angry, it made me really get how serious I was about you. I couldn’t keep holding back with you after that. I had to tell you how I felt. And I don’t appreciate having my motives questioned.”
“Can you blame me? It seemed like you were doing everything you could to keep our relationship a secret, to keep it from getting too serious. Sue me for wanting some reassurance.”
“You know, this ‘what are you doing with me’ routine is getting really old. It’s so self-pitying, not to mention a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“That’s easy to say when you’re you. A beautiful woman who’s had any man she wanted for her entire life.”
Emily scoffed. “Oh boy, if you think that’s true, you really have not been paying attention. And you could have had as many women as you wanted if you’d just put yourself out there. You cower from every opportunity to make a connection with someone, act like they’re doing you a favor if they so much as talk to you, and then whine about how nobody wants to be with you and wonder when I’m going to come to my senses, like I’m so stupid that I don’t get what kind of man you are or whether or not I want to be with you, that I’m blinded by pity or loneliness and I don’t even know my own heart, that I don’t realize that it doesn’t really belong to you, that I don’t actually need you like fucking oxygen, that I’m totally deluded in thinking that you’re the only person I want to be with for as long as I can imagine it and that it’s not even real that I can’t imagine life without you anymore!” She threw her spoon into the sink with a clatter and turned away, her hands on the edge of the counter, breathing hard with her head down. Her voice had steadily risen during that outburst until she was shouting.
Reid felt about two inches tall. She’s grieving her father and here you come, giving her shit about what she did and didn’t say to Morgan and to you; this woman told you she loves you and you’re harping on the damned timing?
He went to her and put his hands on her shoulders. She turned around immediately and sagged against his chest. “Why can’t you believe me?” she said, sounding choked up. “Don’t you trust me?”
He pressed his face into her hair. “I’m sorry. I do believe you. I trust you more than anybody. I love you so much, Emily. It’s just hard for me to accept that you love me back.”
She pulled back and seized his upper arms, giving him a brisk shake. “Well, snap the hell out of it. You’ve given me a million reasons to love you. Don’t start giving me reasons not to. Don’t screw this up, please, I need you to not screw this up. I can’t lose you, I can’t, I just lost my – I need you to get over not believing it. Can you do that? I love you too much to lose you now. I need you in my life. But if you’ll never be able to trust what I tell you then I can’t be with you, and that can’t happen, okay?”
He drew her close again and held her tight. “It won’t happen. I won’t let it happen. I trust you. I believe you. It’s me I don’t quite believe in. I just need to get used to being the Spencer that you see.”
She nodded, then pulled away. “I know. It’s just infuriating to me that people in your life made you think you weren’t that Spencer. I hate every single one of them, up to and including your father.”
Reid didn’t say anything. Emily stroked his cheek, then went back to her cooking. For a few minutes no one spoke. “Is there anything you want to do tonight, or this weekend?” he finally asked.
“I might want to go see my mother tomorrow. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
“I’ll come.”
“Good. Other than that, there’s just one thing I want.”
“Chocolate?”
He saw her smile a little. “No, although I wouldn’t turn it down. I was talking about sex.”
He blinked. “Oh.”
“It’s very confusing. All day I’ve been sad, I’ve cried, I’ve felt nostalgic, I’ve gone through two different manic phases and taken two naps, but through it all I’ve just been really, really horny. You don’t want to know how close I came to calling you and seeing if you could come home at lunchtime. But then I thought, eww. That’s skeezy, calling my boyfriend home in the middle of the day to service me.”
“So you just suffered?”
“Oh, I found an alternate way of dealing with the issue.”
His eyebrows went up. “Tell me more. Be detailed.”
She tossed him a wry smile. “Maybe later I’ll demonstrate. The whole thing is just so weird. It feels unseemly.”
“It’s a very normal reaction to a loss. Your body is reacting to death by reaffirming its own vitality. There’s no better way to do that than through sex. I bet you’ve been hungry all day too, haven’t you?”
“Yes! I’m eating everything in sight!”
“See? Vitality.”
She grew quiet. “I’m doing the things my father can’t do anymore.”
He nodded. “Yes.”
“It just feels so profoundly wrong to be crying and missing my father and feeling like I’ve gone all hollow inside and all the time in the back of my head I just want cock!”
Reid couldn’t help himself. He burst out laughing. Emily glared at him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, it’s just…” He flapped a hand in front of his face. “All right. I’m done. I’m sorry.”
“I guess it is a little bit funny,” she grumbled. The timer on the microwave went off. “Oh. The chicken’s done. Are you hungry?”
“Sure.”
“Grab some plates, let’s eat.”
After dinner, they washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen, and then – well, there was just no other word for it. Emily attacked him. She had not been lying about wanting cock, apparently. They staggered up the stairs, stumbling over each other, leaving articles of clothing in their wake until they tumbled into bed.
She was motivated, that much was certain. Reid barely had the chance to take any initiative; she was moving things along faster than he could keep up. Before he knew it, he was on his back and she was riding him like she was trying to win a prize at the rodeo. When it was over, she barely gave them enough time to catch their breath before she was all over him again. He had no complaints; it was kind of fun to be her sex toy when that’s what she needed. It must have worked; after the second time, she curled on her side and fell almost immediately into a deep sleep.
Reid waited until he was sure she was out, then he carefully got out of bed, put his boxers back on, crept downstairs, fetched his laptop and brought it back to bed. He sat up next to her, logged in and started some work, keeping the lights off so as not to disturb her. It was barely eight o’clock, much earlier than either of them would normally go to bed, but Emily’d had a hell of a week and he knew she hadn’t been sleeping very well.
About half an hour later, Garcia found him on IM.
PenGar: Hi sweetie.
Reid1138: Hey Garcia
PenGar: How’s our girl?
Reid1138: She’s sleeping
PenGar: Poor thing. Probably hasn’t had much sleep this week.
Reid1138: No, not really.
PenGar: Why aren’t you in bed with her?
Reid1138: I am.
PenGar: Oh, I get it. Post-coital, huh?
Reid1138: *eyeroll*
PenGar: C’mon, let me have my fun.
Reid1138: You’ll have it whether I let you or not.
PenGar: Now you’re getting it. Seriously, though. I bet she’s glad to have you there at a time like this.
Reid1138: We had an almost-fight earlier.
PenGar: Yeah? What about?
Reid1138: It’s not important. I said something I shouldn’t have said.
PenGar: You guys looked so sweet at the funeral. When you walked into the cathedral everyone saw it.
Reid1138: Saw what?
PenGar: She was obviously upset and vulnerable, but the way she was turned into you, anybody could see she trusts you. And you all protective with your arm around her. It made my heart go pitter-pat.
Reid1138: I wish there was an *eyeroll* emoticon.
PenGar: Don’t you roll those baby browns at me, mister man. I refuse to let you stop me from swooning over your passionate love affair.
Reid1138: That makes it sound like something that would happen on a transatlantic ocean liner or during the Blitz.
PenGar: rofl. Yeah, it kinda does. But it is passionate, right?
Reid1138: If you’d been in here an hour ago you wouldn’t need to ask.
PenGar: Oh, snap. And it is love, right?
Reid1138: I hope so. I think so.
PenGar: Then I stand by my characterization.
Reid1138: It’s the “affair” part I don’t like. That connotes something transitory, or doomed. Something that won’t last.
PenGar: You sound serious.
Reid1138: Yeah, I think I am.
PenGar: How serious? Bachelor party serious? Ring shopping serious?
Reid1138: Garcia. Gun. You’re jumping it.
PenGar: Sorry. I get overexcited.
Reid1138: You? Surely not.
PenGar: But serious.
Reid1138: Serious, yeah. But a serious dating relationship. Not moving in, not getting engaged. It’s too soon.
PenGar: When the time is right and the people are right, it’s never too soon.
Reid1138: I don’t think even you believe that.
PenGar: Maybe I just want to. I just want to believe that my babies will live happily ever after.
Reid1138: Let’s shoot for making it through the week.
PenGar: That’s a good start.
Reid1138: I’m going to go to sleep now.
PenGar: It’s kinda early.
Reid1138: Well…let’s just say it’s been an active evening.
PenGar: You can’t see but I am squealing and shaking. I just knew that beneath those sweater vests beat the heart of a sex god.
Reid1138: See above, re: eyeroll emoticon.
PenGar: Goodnight, my sexy genius.
Reid1138: Night, Garcia.
Reid signed off and shut down the laptop. It was still early for bed but he felt more than ready for some shut-eye. It hadn’t just been a tough week for Emily. More and more he was finding out that part of being in a relationship was that her pain was his, and the unexpected part was that he didn’t mind. In fact, he wished he could take more of her pain for her, so she would be spared.
He put the laptop on the nightstand and slid down, wrapping the sheets around his shoulders. He shut his eyes, listening to the deep, even sound of Emily’s breathing and feeling her warmth slipping across the sheets to meet his own.
He’d just about dropped off when her breathing hitched and she stirred. He was immediately awake, but didn’t move. She made a distressed little noise and her legs moved restlessly. Bad dreams were not strange to them given their work, and he knew the signs of hers. He waited to see if she’d drop back off to a deeper sleep. She mumbled something unintelligible, sounding upset, then a shaky little sob escaped her. “Daddy,” she murmured, her voice made young by sleeping grief. Reid slid closer, not wanting to wake her but wanting her to feel him nearby. Emily mumbled a few more nonsensical words, sounding like she was pleading, then began to weep in her slumber, heartbroken tears that made Reid’s skin hurt. “Spencer,” she whimpered.
That was the end of his resolve. He reached out and pulled her toward him. She turned over, still mostly asleep, and burrowed into his arms, her fingers clutching at him. “Shhh,” he said, kissing her forehead. “I’m right here, Emily.”
He felt her coming awake into that confusion that came when you weren’t quite sure what was going on or what emotional state you might be in. “Wha…huh?” she spluttered, surprised to find herself crying.
“It’s okay, you were having a dream,” he said, stroking her back.
“Shit,” she said, sniffling. “It isn’t safe anywhere.” She was clinging to his t-shirt now, the fingers of one hand twisted in it.
“I’ll keep you safe. Want me to get my gun?”
That got a little bit of a choked-up giggle out of her. “Yes. Please shoot the bad nightmares.”
“Okay. Just make sure the bad nightmares hold very, very still because I’m not such a great shot.”
She sighed, getting herself under control, and snuggled close to him. “I’m sorry to wake you up.”
“It’s okay.” He hesitated. “You just did something for me.”
“What’d I do? Besides get snot on you.”
He pulled back and looked down into her red-rimmed eyes. “You were dreaming. You cried for your dad. You were upset and scared.” He smoothed her hair back from her face with one finger. “Then you called for me.”
She smiled weakly. “Cause you’re my guy and I love you.” The simplicity and confidence of this declaration touched him all over again. Reid wrapped his arms around her as they shared tender kisses, aware by now that this woman owned him, body and soul, and that he was completely okay with that.
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Date: 2010-07-02 02:01 am (UTC)Thanks!
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Date: 2010-07-02 03:03 am (UTC)Another lovely chapter! Thanks ever so!
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Date: 2010-07-02 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-02 05:00 am (UTC)I LOVE the phrase "aggressively normal", I'm going to have to remember it lol! I liked the conversation with Morgan because I honestly don't like him very much, he's annoying arse who spends at least 75% of his screentime getting on my nerves, but you kept him sounding like Morgan without me wanting to bash his head in with his own gun. Or ego. It's probably bigger and heavier.
I love the idea of Garcia's interrogation being over IM, it's quite fitting. If they'd been on MSN Messenger though, Spencer could have had an eyerolling emoticon after all!
Emily's rant to Spencer is difficult to read and utterly awesome, btw. It would have been ruined by full stops! She needed to shout it and he needed to hear it and I completely loved it. I also loved the end of that scene - between the cock and the chicken it was priceless!
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Date: 2010-07-02 05:47 am (UTC)“Okay. Just make sure the bad nightmares hold very, very still because I’m not such a great shot.”"
oh. my. god. I cannot handle all of this fluff and wonderfullness.
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Date: 2010-07-02 06:28 am (UTC)It was warm, funny, romantic and charming, then terrifying and heart-wrenching. Hon, you scared me to death for a couple of chapters. By the time I hit the rape scene I was so invested in Spencer and Emily's relationship I was literally perched on the edge of my seat whimpering: "Nononono -- please, not Emily!! Oh, thank God."
I thought you captured all of character's voices beautifully. I totally believed that the Spencer and Emily I see on the screen every week were there in your story. Also, you balanced a wonderful romance with an intricate case-fic, and never disappointed once.
After I finished Loneliness, I picked myself up off the floor and went to your main fic page and worked my way through everything else. I had a wonderful time, and I've bookmarked every story.
I love "Genius" and was thrilled to find a new chapter alredy up today, just after I finished the last one.
I think my absolute favorite story was "Marked." I can't believe you got that silence hook to work so well. You walked a very fine line there, and kept it totally believable.
OK, long pause there. I had to go back and reread "Marked" (for the fourth time). Damn, woman! Take a bow! The tattoos were perfect. The whole story was charming, and that may be the hottest Reid I've ever read. And let me tell you, he had to beat out "Lonliness" Reid to take the title.
And speaking of rereading, it took me much longer to get through the Loneliness saga than it should have. I was enjoying it so much that I kept backing up and rereading entire chapters before I moved on to the next.
I'm sorry I waited till now to send feedback, but honestly? I couldn't stop reading long enough to do it. But now that I'm caught up on the stories, I'll try to do better from now on.
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Date: 2010-07-02 06:30 am (UTC)Such a big-brother thing to say; I love it. ♥ Another amazing chapter! It's so much fun to see the team's reactions - and I loved them at the funeral, too, by the way. And Emily waking up from the nightmare calling for him... that was sugar-raining-from-the-ceiling sweet. ^_^
There's something else you should know. I'm starting to look into buying a place for myself, and all I can think is how much I want to find a place just like the one you created for Reid. Not that I have that kind of money, but Oh My God, an old library?? Renovated with a tile entrance hall and big double doors and the library and all that other stuff you described, and the photo you posted?? I've been totally spoiled for whatever any real estate agent may be able to find for me. =P
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Date: 2010-07-02 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-03 12:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-03 12:14 am (UTC)I wanted Em and Spence to have something of a fight here. Felt like it was time.
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Date: 2010-07-03 12:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-03 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-03 12:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-03 12:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-16 01:36 am (UTC)